I want to encourage you to grow in your FAITH and grow closer to God by reading my journey along the way! Check out my blog by clicking "blog" in the menu after reading my testimony below. click "contact"  in the menu to contact me with any questions or comments. 

My name is Haley Stinson. I am 22 years old.  I currently live in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio. I want to tell you a little about who I am and my testimony. God has never been someone I was unfamiliar with. I grew up going to church with my mom, who was a single mom for most of my life. We went as much as we could. I attended a Christian Private school from third grade to sixth grade. I knew who God was. I accepted him into my life when I was 8 years old sitting at a park bench with my Aunt Kim. When I was in 7th grade, my mom gave me the decision to remain in a private school or switch to public school. I decided I wanted to try out the whole public school thing, so I did. That was when things went wrong. It's always hard becoming the new kid. You just want to fit in so badly. You want to be accepted by the most popular kids in the school. You don't want to have to worry about whether or not you will have somewhere to sit at lunch. It's a lot for a teenager to take on. I made friends rather quickly, not with the popular kids, but still made friends, which helps with the transition. I will sum up my years in middle school and high school for you. It was not Godly. I was living in the flesh. I was doing what I wanted to do. I was hanging with non-believers (I was now part of the "popular kids"). I was experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I was giving myself away to boys who did not care about me that I thought I was in love with. I was depressed. I was losing friends to suicide. I was constantly looking for something to make me feel good and feel alive. I was living in the world. God felt further away from me then he had ever been, but I didn't care. I was having fun in the moment. I still was attending church on and off, but not steadily, and every time I went it was more so to please my family at the time. My grandmother was strong in her Faith and all she ever wanted was for her grandchildren to know God. She lived with us from 7th grade to 11th grade, until my mom got remarried, and so I would go to church to make her happy. So like I said, my mom got remarried and I became part of what they call a blended family. It was myself and another one of my step-siblings and then my mom and my stepdad. I wasn't sure about it, but my mom was happy and I liked my stepdad, so I rolled with it. The hardest part of the transition was my Grandmother moving out and going to live with my Aunt an hour away. Shortly after we became a blended family in a new home, I graduated from high school in 2015. I had accepted an offer to go to Ohio Northern University for Nursing School, which was about an hour and a half north of where I lived. During the summer of 2015, I met a boy unexpectedly. Something you pray never happens before leaving for college. He was still in high school and I was leaving for college in a few months to head an hour and a half away. We decided to give it a try anyway. It wasn't long before I fell madly in love with him. I didn't care that I was away at college. We face-timed, talked every day, I was coming home every weekend to see him.  I was willing to do whatever it took to make this relationship successful. In college, I didn't really experiment with drugs and alcohol like I did in high school, so I didn't mind leaving campus on the weekends to go home to see him. After a couple of months of dating, things took a turn. I'm sure you guys can guess. We broke up after an ex was brought into the picture unexpectedly. I was devastated. I was heartbroken. I didn't know what to do. I was away from home. I was alone. I was depressed. I ended up withdrawing from college to come home after that semester ended. I came home and was in the darkest place I've ever been to in my life. People say "It was only a couple months, how could you be that heartbroken", but until you feel the emotional connection I felt first hand, it's hard to understand. I was 18 years old and I wanted to die. I even debated it a couple of times. I would be driving down the freeway and debate on running my car into the median or going off the road into a tree. I debated on taking medication to help me sleep.. but taking enough to never have to wake up. I am here to tell you first hand until you have had suicidal thoughts, you will never understand how dark of a place a person is able to get into. A place where no amount of "I love you" and "I'm here for you" or "Please don't ever hurt or kill yourself" will fix. A place where you don't care about anyone else's emotions or feelings, because you are literally drowning in your own. You can't stop thinking about the pain, the hurt, the agony. It was one of the hardest things I have ever went through. We did the on and off thing. The "we are just friends" thing for awhile. We did it on and off for years. It was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. And every single time he left me again for her, I went through the same heartbreak and emotional battles. It got to the point my mom had to take me to a crisis intervention site to talk to someone. I don't remember the woman's name, but she helped me in ways I could never repay her. I didn't know it at the time, but I know God placed her into my life to help me get through the hard times I was going through. I also want to add that I was completely detached from God at this point in my life. There was no church-going every once in a while or praying to him when I needed it. God was the last thing on my mind at the time, yet he was still there for me through the whole thing and placed this woman into my life at the crisis intervention center. After speaking with that woman, I decided to go and see a counselor. The first session I went to, I couldn't even speak. All I did was sit there and cry on the couch. No words came out that day. I was filled with so much pain and hurt, I cry to this day thinking about how dark of a place I was in. All because a boy whom I loved and gave myself too, didn't want me and didn't choose me over another girl. I'm here to tell you it gets better. Let's fast forward some. So I started going to see this counselor multiple times a week and each session helped, but there was still something missing in my life. I didn't know at the time it was God, but we will get there. Months passed by, and I still missed him, but I got used to him not being there. I would sit around and wait for the text saying "I'm sorry, I made the wrong choice" or "I still love you, but I can't help she was my first love" even  "it's not you, it's me" or "I just need time alone to think about what I want" was better than nothing. but he was still seeing her. But, every single time he came back, I was there waiting. I was there ready to give myself to him completely, all over again. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. I will save you all the details, but this went on for a long time. It didn't matter to me how long he was gone for each time, whether it be weeks, days, or months. I was waiting around for him. In the meantime though, I was still searching for something, I wanted to feel something other than numbness and I found that something in other boys who told me "he didn't deserve you" or you're too good and pretty for him". I hurt other people in the process of him hurting me. It took a long time for me to realize it because I just wanted to feel again. I got into relationships I shouldn't have. I gave myself away to boys I knew I shouldn't have and weren't deserving of my body. I drank to feel numb. I experimented with drugs to feel numb. I looked in the mirror and the little girl sitting at the park bench accepting God wasn't there anymore. I didn't even know her anymore. As time passed by, I'm talking years, passed by, it got better, but I never fully felt myself. Thank the Lord for my family. My mother, my grandmother, and my Aunt Kim for never giving up on me, and encouraging me to give it all back over to God. I started going to church more. I remember going to church one time and I started crying so hard because I remembered sitting in that same spot a time before with him beside me. after that service I stopped going. I remember being so angry at God. Why would he let something like this happen to me? Why would he allow my relationship to fall apart? Why would he even allow me to fall in love with someone like this? I want you guys to know it wasn't always bad times with him. There were PLENTY of great times. There were plenty of fun memories. There were plenty of "feel good" moments, where I thought there was no way I'd lose him again. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted throughout the whole thing, but I didn't want to let go completely. I eventually started attending church here and there, but never consistently. I put on the face and I even got involved in church, but I didn't know God and God was not the focus of my life. I faked it. I wanted to play the part because I thought if people truly knew who I was, they would be disgusted. The Devil is so good at putting those lies in our heads, and boy was he thriving in my life. I knew I needed God, but I felt so undeserving of his love and thought there was no way he could love someone who had done the things I'd done. I still did not recommit my life to him yet. My grandmother began to have bouts of hospital stays and she began to have times where she was so sick, yet she never once lost faith in God. She always knew he had a plan and whatever his plan was, she knew that if it was her time to go, she would be going straight to Heaven to be with her Heavenly Father. Her faith was admirable. The kind of faith you always inspire to have when you're young. She was my inspiration. So wise. She never held back and always told you like it was. She was my best friend throughout this whole thing. She would listen to me for hours upon hours about this boy, and always knew what to say to make it hurt just a little less. She gave me the best advice. Back to the story though, I will talk about her in a bit. So to put time to the story, we will fast forward to 2018. I was in nursing school again, I restarted back up in 2016, and life was getting better day by day. He was back with his ex-girlfriend and this time was longer than usual. I was drowning myself in school work. I was going to church here and there, but still had not rededicated my life to God. I was not living the way God commands us to. I was putting on the face, going to church on Sundays, then doing my own thing every other day. That's about the time I met a new friend. Alcohol. Some of you guys know that friend as well. Alcohol is the kind of friend who once you start hanging out with, you find yourself hanging out with more frequently until you eventually find yourself spending all your free time with. Mind you, I wasn't even 21 at the time. I did though find a bar that was 18 and over that, I could find people to buy me alcohol at. Just when I was starting to get back to going to church, even though I was not fully rededicated, the Devil saw this as the opportunity to rope me right back into his playing field. Alcohol became a huge part of my life. I was going to the bar every weekend. I was going sometimes during the week, multiple times during the week. Have you ever told yourself or even your friends and family who are concerned about you, "I've got this" or "I know my limit" or "I'm just young and having fun"? Yeah, well those were my favorite three lines. I didn't care what anyone thought, I just wanted to hang out with my friend "alcohol" and the other friends I had made.  November 2018.. I remember I was working at the hospital that day, which is where I worked at the time, and I got a call. It was my mom, about my Grandma. "Don't panic, she's okay, but she's going to the hospital, she's not feeling well". My Grandma. My best friend. She was sick, but she got better and got to leave just in time for Thanksgiving. It was awesome. I was happy. She was thankful to God. I just wanted to drink and celebrate. I continued to do that in the weeks following. Shortly after Thanksgiving had passed, I was at work one day, and I got a call from my mom. "Haley, don't panic, but Grams is getting rushed to the hospital and we need to go now." Not again, just when I thought she was finally getting better. My mom came to the hospital to pick me up and we took the drive to where my Grandmother and Aunt live (an hour away) to go to the hospital. "Haley, don't freak out, but they had to intubate your Grandmother because she stopped breathing". At this point, I'm freaking out.   I was so angry at God. Why would he be doing this to MY GRAMS? Someone who was so strong in her faith. Someone who didn't deserve this. I screamed at God. I yelled at God. I was so angry with him, I didn't want anything to do with him, yet I prayed to him still. I remember finally getting to the hospital and going into that Emergency Room to see her laying on the bed in the triage room, with a tube down her throat, a machine breathing for her, and that was my breaking point. I remember running out of the room to the outside of the hospital and just losing it completely. I thought the pain of losing a boyfriend was excruciating.. I can't even describe the pain I was feeling in that moment. I was so distant from God, yet the first thing I did when I walked outside was prayed to God. "God, please don't take my Grams. She is my best friend. She is my world. I can't live without her." I couldn't even remember the last time I had hugged her or told her I loved her, and I didn't know if I would ever be able to again or hear her tell me "I love you too Haley". I remember they decided to transport her up to the hospital in Columbus where all her main doctors were. They actually brought her to the hospital I worked at. I remember spending day in and day out, back to back, wondering where this "God" was, because he wasn't healing my Grams. I remember each day the doctor's saying she wasn't ready to come off the vent yet. I remember each day felt longer and longer. Days collided. Nights became sleepless. I just wanted to hear her voice again. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her I loved her. It was the week of Christmas. Usually my favorite time of the year. All I wanted that year was for my Grams to come off the vent. As the week of Chrismas approached, I didn't think Grams was coming off the vent. They had tried a couple tests, that didn't go well. I was losing hope. But Grams was a fighter. She wasn't going out that easily. When I look back on it now, I think she knew I wasn't ready to lose her, none of us were. God gave us our Christmas miracle though. Grams came off the vent by Christmas. It was by far one of the best days of my life. God pulled her through. I remember thanking God. I remember for once being happy with God for the decisions he had made in my life. I still wasn't ready to recommit with God, but I was thankul for him in that moment. I remember the New Years to follow shortly after, I went out with friends. I went out and drank. I was celebrating the New Year, a year with hopefully better days to come. I was celebrating my Grams waking up and breathing on her own.. with alcohol. How contradicting right? But I didn't care, I needed to catch up for all the time I hadn't been drinking. Grams finally got to leave the hospital and go to Rehab in January. Things were starting to look better. Until the end of January when she got sick again and back into the hospital we went. She had gotten an infection from the medications she had been taking in the hospital. Just when I thought, we were in the clear, we weren't. Grams never recovered from the infection, and on February 12, 2019 she went to be home with the Lord. Somewhere I know she always longed to be. Reunited with her husband, siblings, parents, and friends. I was sad that she was gone. I was devastated is the better way to put it. I didn't want to let her go. Leaving the hospital that night was not what I wanted. I remembered when she coded in the Emergency Department, I went to the chapel during the code, and I begged God to save her. I begged God not to let me lose her. I begged him. I yelled at him, I screamed at him, and I wept. And her took her anyways.  I didn't know what I thought was just going to be another hospital trip until she got better again would be the last time I would see her and tell her I love her. I remember planning her funeral. I was in shock and it hadn't fully hit me yet. I remember just crying randomly throughout the day following up to it. I remember being confused about God. I remember thinking that God ignored me in that chapel when I was begging him. I remember thinking that God had nothing good for my life. Nothing good had happened to me at the point. I had been heartbroken and lost my first true love, I lost my Grams, and I felt numb, empty, broken, and lost. I remember sitting in my home church for her funeral service, where it was held, and being numb. I couldn't even cry for most of it. I remember going to the cemetary and as they lowered her into the ground, I almost felt like I wasn't even there. I felt so detached from myself. Something I remember feeling a few years back. I remember the months following her passing, I went to the bar usually 4-5 times a week to drink. It didn't matter what time of the day or what day it was, I wanted to drink. I wanted to feel numb. I didn't want to grieve. After her service, I continued to go back to church every week when I didn't work at the hospital. I remember each week I would feel something, but never fully commit to what I was feeling. I knew my Grams' only hope in this world full of sin was for her family and friends to know Jesus. That's all she ever wanted. I knew my Grams didn't want me to drink my life away and be sad. I knew she didn't want that for me. I remember the more I went to church, the less I was going out. I was still going out, but multiple times a week, turned into just on the weekends or every other weekend. I didn't want to live like this. I wanted my Grams to look down on me from Heaven and be proud. I wanted to see her again one day, and I knew that the way I was living was not right. I continued going to church. I would go to the bar the night before and then church the next day. But I asked God to forgive me at church Sunday, so did it really matter? That was my mindset. God didn't give up on me though. I didn't realize it at the time, but God was working on my heart. He was changing me and I didn't even realize it. I started attending a bible study and even got baptized and became a member of my church. Life was getting better. I rededicated my life to God in July 2019. I remember knowing God, and knowing the things he commanded us to do, but I could not seem to let go of the drinking completely. I remember one Sunday going to church and hearing a message from my Pastor about drinking and alcohol. I literally felt like I was the only person in the room and he was talking directly to me. I felt like God knew that was the battle I was fighting and he knew I needed to hear it. God spoke to me through my Pastor in remarkable ways that day. I stopped  going out and drinking that day. I, to this day in 2020 do not go out and drink anymore. You see what's awesome and amazing about God is that when we are going through struggles and the darkest times in our lives, we feel so distant from God, yet he's standing right beside us ready to fight our battles with us. God never left me. God was there when I got my heart broken. God was there when I lost my Grams. God NEVER left me to do life alone.  When we feel all alone and in the dark, God is right there saying "take my hand and I'll light the way." God is the light in the darkness. He's the light I searched for and couldn't find because I was looking everywhere except right beside me. I want you to know God does not give up on us. He knows our past, present, and future. He knows every sin we have committed. He knows. But HE LOVES US REGARDLESS. He loves us so much that he sent his ONE AND ONLY SON to Earth to die on the cross so that way we can be covered by the blood. when you mess up and make mistakes, he's right there beside you ready to accept you, forgive you, and love you. I believe God is using me to carry on my Grams' legacy. I know she's proud of me. I know she's looking down and overjoyed that I am preaching the Word of God and living in a Godly manner. I am not perfect. I still sin and fall short of the Glory of God, but it's so comforting knowing that God knows I am a sinner and he loves me regardless. I want this blog to be encouraging for you. I want to be genuine and transparent with you guys. I want you to truly know me and know that I struggle. I want for this blog to help you grow to know the God who saved me and can save you too if you're lost. I want for this blog to be something that encourgas both believers and non-believers who are struggling in life, that you aer not alone. I have been at rock bottom. I have been in the darkest of darkest places. BUT THERE IS NO PLACE TO DARK FOR GOD.  My testimony is long. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I want you to know God loves you and he will never stop loving you. I can't wait to share more with you about God's love for you.