How close are we allowing Him to get?

So, first off, I want to say I hope everyone is having a good year so far. I pray that God is working in all your lives and you're allowing Him to show you His purpose for each of your lives. The other day I was sitting at the doctor's office waiting to go back into the room to see my Endocrinologist (for those of you who just saw that word and are confused, it's the physician that manages my Type 1 Diabetes), but anyways that's beside the point. So I was sitting in their office like I have many times before, and I happened to sit in the seat that was directly in front of the beautiful fish tank that they have there. As I was sitting there waiting, I began to watch the fish and started observing how they would interact with one another. There were three specific fish that I noticed interacting with one another. They had this massive tank and there weren't many fish in it, so the fish had free reign of this pretty large tank. At first, I noticed two of the fish and the one fish (fish #1) would keep going towards this other fish (fish #2), but fish #2 would only allow fish #1 to get so close before it swam away and hid behind this rock. So I watched this happen a few times, and fish #2 would even swim from behind the rock and start to get close to fish #1 but as soon as it allowed itself to get close, it would swim away again and hide behind the rock. Then I saw the third fish (fish #3) in this equation, and it swam towards fish #2 that would not allow fish #1 to get too close to it, but instead of swimming away as it did with fish #1 who was approaching it, it allowed fish #3 to get close to it and it even allowed it to kiss it. I don't know exactly what the term is for fish kisses or if they even kiss, but the main point behind that is that fish #2 who would not let fish #1 get close enough for contact allowed fish #3 without hesitation to get close enough to make direct contact, and as a result, the fish #3 remained near fish #2, while fish #1 was unable to. Fish #1 would go back to the same spot in the tank and remain each time after fish #2 would reject it. So you might be reading this, hopefully not confused, but wondering what does this have to do with anything at all? What does this have to do with your blog and what you usually post? Well, the answer is, this has everything to do with my blog and what I post. You see, those fish interact a lot as we do as humans. We allow some things to get close enough to where we can see it, we can feel its presence, and we can even touch it if we want, but that's the key point IF WE WANT. We have the choice whether or not to allow it to touch us or interact with us, or for us to do the same to it. Fish #1 remained going back to the same spot each and every time after it tried to get close to fish #2 and was rejected. And fish #2 would allow itself to get close enough to fish #1, without fully committing to coming into contact with fish #1, but as soon as fish #3 came into the equation, fish #2 allowed fish #3 to come into direct contact with it, without any hesitation. Some of you may be reading this, and you already know exactly where I am going with it. Some of you may be reading this and still confused and have no idea where I am going with this. Well, I am about to tell you. Just like these fish and the way they interact with one another, it got me thinking, we as humans are the same exact way with God and things of this world. So for illustrational purposes, let's say fish #1 is God, fish #2 is you or me, and fish #3 can be anything in this world. It could be a relationship with someone, it can be an addiction, it can be money, it can be fame, it can be anything that relates to your life. We as fish #2 sometimes allow ourselves to get close enough to fish #1 to where we can see fish #1, we can touch fish #1, we can feel fish #1's presence, but as soon as fish #1 gets too close to us, we run and hide. Then we as fish #2, are hiding from fish #1, and then something or someone who seems more appealing (fish #3) comes along and we allow fish #3 to get as close to us as they can and even make direct contact with it. We allow it into our lives. We allow it into our hearts. We even allow the intimacy of it to overtake us, just as fish #2 did when it allowed fish #3 to make direct contact by giving it a fish kiss. But just like fish #1 did, Jesus will run after you and will continue to do so if you allow Him, but He also remains in the same spot and is ALWAYS there so you know exactly where to find Him when you're ready. On the other side of things, once we as fish #2 allow someone or something such as fish #3 to come into our lives and become part of who we are, it's hard to walk away from it, or in this case for the fish, swim away from it. I wish I had a grand ending to this fish story, but unfortunately, I don't. I got called back to the room to see my doctor and didn't get to see quite how this story ends, but I have good news.. When it comes to us and our lives with Jesus, I do have an ending. For me, fish #3 was a lot of things. It was toxic relationships with guys who didn't care about me or guys who used me for various things, it was alcohol for a long period in my life, it was lust and pornography, it was drugs, it was friendships that weren't influencing me in the right manner, it was allowing depression to take ahold of my life to the point where I didn't want to live anymore. Fish #3 wasn't just one thing for me. It was a lot of toxic things over long periods of time. I don't know what fish #3 is for you and your life. But whatever it is, I am here to tell you, that until you rid yourself of fish #3, you won't have true freedom in your life to chase after the one thing that remains the same (fish #1), which is Jesus. You see there were many times in my life where I would allow myself to get close to Jesus or allow Jesus almost all the way into my life, and once we got close enough for me to feel his presence and to see Him, I would run. I ran for many reasons. Shame. Guilt. Fear. Confusion. Uncertainty. And unfortunately, every time I ran from Jesus, I ran right back to whatever in my life was that fish #3 for me at the time, and that only lead to sadness. Unfullfillness. Shame. Guilt. Fear. Confusion. Heartbreak. Devastation. Suicidal thoughts. Do you see the pattern? The same feelings I was feeling about giving myself fully to God were the same feelings I was running to in the world? And each time, I was left feeling the same exact way, until one time I allowed fish #1 to get as close as he wanted, and I allowed myself to get as close to him as I could as well. It's the same with Jesus. Once I allowed myself to get as close to Jesus as I could and allowed Jesus to have every part of my life, those feelings of doubt, fear, confusion, guilt, shame, and devastation left my life for good. It's a choice. We can choose to let Jesus in or we can choose to keep chasing things of this world that let us down each and every time. I am not going to say that living in the world was always sadness and heartbreak and devastation every minute of every day, because yes, the good times were just that, good times, but on the flip side of that, all those good times eventually ended in the same result. Pain. Do you want to know why that is? Because there is nothing in this world, no person, no drug, no relationship, no friendship, no alcoholic beverage, no amount of money, that is perfect or that can't disappear in the blink of an eye. But there is one person and one thing that will always remain the same no matter what and will always bring you happiness when you're feeling like you're at rock bottom and have nothing left, and that's Jesus. You see a lot of things in this world are give and take. You give someone your whole heart and they take it and break it. You have the perfect job making amazing money and then a virus comes and takes that away in a matter of months. You have the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend who seems like they would never hurt you, but they mess up and do. Things of this world and the people of this world aren't perfect. They mess up and leave. They get taken away. Things happen. Circumstances happen. Changes occur. People change. Jobs change. Life changes. It all can happen so quickly. What you think is the perfect life can be taken from you in the blink of an eye. But what cannot be taken away from you, and what won't change, and what remains the same today, yesterday, tomorrow, and every day after that is Jesus. He can give you happiness that NO ONE can take away. He can give you blessings in life that NO ONE has control over except Him. He can change your life in such a magnificent way. And you might be thinking, what do I have to do or what is the price I have to pay for that? The answer is this. Jesus paid the price for you. He paid the price when He went to the cross because He loved YOU so much and wanted the best life possible for you. And what do you have to do for it? Come as you are. Broken. Hurting. Lost. Confused. Fearful. Shameful. Mad. Whatever it is, just come as you are. Allow Him to get close enough to come into your life and into your heart and transform it. Allow Him to take away the brokenness you're feeling and make you whole again. Allow Him to take away the shame and make you feel proud again. Allow Him to take away the confusion, and give you ALL THE ANSWERS. Allow Him to take away the feeling of being lost, and put you on a path that has clear directions and outcomes. Allow Him to take the fear away and give you peace beyond all understanding. It's the free gift of eternal salvation. It's not a give and take. It's not a con. It's not like things of this world. It will give you life again when you feel like your life isn't worth living. Take it from me. He restored my life. Jesus is always at work, but so is the devil. So once you give your life to Jesus, fish #3 which we said were things of this world you were running to over and over again and letting consume you, will still be there tempting you and trying to draw you back in, but if you continue to keep your eyes on fish #1, or Jesus, He will not allow you to fail and He will still be in the same spot working on your life and on you. I pray that someone reading this right now is fish #2, that's allowing fish #3 to consume their life, but still is allowing fish #1 to get close to them, but instead of running back to fish #3, you run towards fish #1 with all you have and allow fish #1 to consume your life. Allow Jesus to consume your life. Allow Him all the way into your life and into your heart. If you're not sure how to do this, I want to read this last part of the blog out loud. Jesus, I am broken. I am hurting. I am running to things of this world that are leaving me feeling the same in the end every time. I am giving to things and to people who continuously let me down. I am tired. I am lost. I don't want to do this anymore. Lord, please forgive me for running to things of this world and not straight into your arms. Lord, forgive me for not loving you and making you a priority in my life, when all you have Lord, you are willing to give to me. Lord, I don't want to run to things of this world anymore. I want to run to you at full speed Lord. I want you to consume my life and my heart. I want to serve you because you paid the ultimate price Lord. I am coming as I am Lord because you called me your child and you can give me a purpose in life again. Lord, come into my heart and dwell. Come into my life and take control. I am willing to give my life to you because your son Jesus gave His life for me. Thank you, Lord, for your goodness and your faithfulness. Thank you, Lord, for remaining the same. Thank you, Lord, for making yourself available to me at all times when I need you. I believe in my heart that you are good and your mercy endures forever. Amen. If you prayed this prayer, I want to welcome you into the family of brothers and sisters in Christ who has the ultimate Father watching over us and protecting us. I want to welcome you with arms wide open. Don't let this prayer be the end of it. If this is your first time being saved, I encourage you to get plugged into a church and start attending and surround yourself with other believers who can help you grow and can help encourage you. Open your Bible and read and study the Word of God. It has all the answers you need. If you don't have a Bible, download the Bible app from your app store and read it there. Go online and find sermons, some of my favorite are Steven Furtick, Michael Todd, Sadie Robertson, Matt Chandler, Ben Stuart, Louie Giglio, and Christine Caine. Download some worship music and listen to it and pay attention to the words of the song. And most importantly, talk to God. Tell Him how you are feeling. Be open and honest with Him. Speak to Him like He's your best friend. I promise you once you fully commit your life to God, there is nothing else in the world that can give you the same fulfillment He does. As always, you can always reach out to me along the way. If you go to the homepage of my blog, you can find information to reach out to me to connect. I love you guys. This blog is a little longer than my usual ones, but this message needed to be shared. Take care, until next time.